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View Full Version : A little "commercial" I created for HEX - would like to get some feedback :)



Cirouss
12-19-2013, 09:53 PM
Hello people of HEX!

I just created some kind of own commercial for HEX - mostly out of the kickstarter trailer but added some special stuff that I created myself. I would like some feedback and hope you enjoy it!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFAONTVFcnc&feature=youtu.be

Gwaer
12-19-2013, 10:19 PM
I liked it pretty well. I especially like ozawa's voiceover. She's so busy, how did you get her to make time for you?

BongoBong
12-19-2013, 10:55 PM
Pretty cool. A couple thoughts.

1. Put a black border around the white lettering to make it more easily readable.

2. Maybe should have switched the hex meteor impact picture with the one before it, since in that panel the very first thing is talking about the impact.

Good job!

Cirouss
12-20-2013, 06:51 AM
I liked it pretty well. I especially like ozawa's voiceover. She's so busy, how did you get her to make time for you?

Well, I am a VIP :D Thank you :)


Pretty cool. A couple thoughts.

1. Put a black border around the white lettering to make it more easily readable.

2. Maybe should have switched the hex meteor impact picture with the one before it, since in that panel the very first thing is talking about the impact.

Good job!


I was also not that happy with the wall of text, but couldn't figure a way out yet to make it like flowing line by line with the speech :( So maybe I will do the blackboarder you said for now, could be good - And the second - third picture is fine IMO, in the second picture you can see the meteor flying which actually fits the speech and text. Not sure if I interprate the pictures a bit wrong? :D

Cirouss
12-20-2013, 05:51 PM
Other oppinions? :)

Handsofevil
12-20-2013, 06:01 PM
I have a few issues with it.

1) It's long... Commercials should be under 3 mins, and even that's pushing it in length for me.

2) It's really hard to understand the voiceover. I love the idea, I just felt the pitch was forced and became muddled because of it. It also didn't flow well. The wording felt clunky.

3) It felt like you were explaining the game, as if we had already downloaded it and were launching it. By that I mean, it felt bland and slow.

4) The in-game footage is really nice. But it's repetitive (I don't need to see every equipment in the game...), and has no information associated with it. If you truly want a commercial type video, you need to shorted it and show the important part of each aspect.

All in all, I'd love to talk more id depth about the entire thing, because I love the idea. A fan-made commercial can spiral off wonderful things for HEX. Also, please don't take this as "I HATE IT", because it's the opposite. I just want to help make it better.

jetah
12-20-2013, 09:09 PM
I'd agree that a commercial should be in the "under a minute" or right at a minute.

as a commercial you need to advertise what aspects are in HEX. Keeps, equipment for cards, gems, AH, card trading via in game AH, PvP, etc.

There's the option to do 2 commercials--one for PvE and one for PvP. The full commercial of that could be them together (full length commercial).

Handsofevil
12-20-2013, 09:25 PM
Not sure about requiring a minute, but I completely agree on your second point. As for your third one, we don't have enough PvE content to show it. PvP is essentially part of PvE so that might be really hard to do...

Jyndreytu
12-20-2013, 11:35 PM
I think it's a really good start. But things I would add are descriptions of the screens you are seeing.

Like just brief text like:

PvE and PvP content
Gem your cards
Level your Champion
Battle Opponents

Things like that. It's refreshing to see community members make content like this.

Cheers!

Gwaer
12-21-2013, 12:24 AM
Right, I wouldn't worry about length, it's not like it's actually a commercial going on TV. The descriptions of the various screens you're adding sounds like a great idea.

FlyingMeatchip
12-21-2013, 07:01 AM
Ozawa is a female character, the voice tone seems to deep. The dark voicing is a bit muddled. Acoustically higher tones are easier to hear and understand than the lower sounding bass tone.

Cirouss
12-21-2013, 09:34 AM
I have a few issues with it.

1) It's long... Commercials should be under 3 mins, and even that's pushing it in length for me.

2) It's really hard to understand the voiceover. I love the idea, I just felt the pitch was forced and became muddled because of it. It also didn't flow well. The wording felt clunky.

3) It felt like you were explaining the game, as if we had already downloaded it and were launching it. By that I mean, it felt bland and slow.

4) The in-game footage is really nice. But it's repetitive (I don't need to see every equipment in the game...), and has no information associated with it. If you truly want a commercial type video, you need to shorted it and show the important part of each aspect.

All in all, I'd love to talk more id depth about the entire thing, because I love the idea. A fan-made commercial can spiral off wonderful things for HEX. Also, please don't take this as "I HATE IT", because it's the opposite. I just want to help make it better.

Haha no I wont be mad :D This was the first time I've done such a thing and I know it couldn't be perfect ^^

TBH the ingame things are only from the official kickstarter video, the main work I had was the beginning with the voiceover :) But I understand your points and I tried to pronounce everything right but I have to fix that, so I totally agree here. But please remember: English is not my native language ^^ So I think I will redo it in some way.

Thank you very much for the constructive feedback, when I redo it I will try to bring it in as much as I can! And that is btw the feedback I like to see, ofc I like it when people like what I do, but constructive feedback is the best thing you can get if you can handle the "good criticism" :D

Btw, what my thought was when I decided to do that: I wanted to do only voiceover for the story telling part. But then when I rad through the story a bit, I tried to "be ozawa" and tell the beginning of the story and ramp it up with some commercial. But the main thought was still to make some kind of "living lore". The lore of HEX is very good but many people won't read it, because they don't want to. So once I've finished redoing the "commercial" I may try to let the lore of HEX awake even further. I think this could be very cool. This time I will try not to overdo the pitch that much, I just felt it fits for the eldest of the coyote to have a very deep and "mystic voice". :D

Thank you again Handsofevil



And thanks for all the other feedback you gave me, I rad all of it and as said will try to get the most of what you said into it. About the duration: Its not the usual commercial you would see in TV, more like a internet commercial. Or even a "Trailer", I guess trailer fits it a bit better. I will redo it maybe today and inform you when the new one is ready ^^ Thanks for all the feedback!

Yubar
12-21-2013, 11:23 AM
Dude why was that so awesome, the graphics and music were epic. The into was the only part I didn't love but I guess it served its purpose, maybe make that shorter I guess. The whole thing could be 1:45-2:00 and it'd be brilliant

Handsofevil
12-21-2013, 05:37 PM
Gwaer, I agree it's not going to be on TV. That doesn't mean shorter isn't better. I know people will see "Oh, it's only 2min? I'll watch it" and would also say "4min for a commercial for a game? skip." Not saying length is a big deal, but it would help.

hammer
12-21-2013, 11:59 PM
To be honest regardless of length I would watch the first 30 seconds if any at all and then if I liked continue the whole thing whether 2,4 or 10 minutes. First impressions and all :D

Glognar
12-22-2013, 04:49 AM
I don't like the voice over, it's hard to understand and sounds horrible, also no need for voice over and the text, preferably a decent voice over.

It's also too long especially the amount of equipment screens you showed, one is enough. Also the beginning after the voiceover with all the logos and opening screen went of for seconds too long.

Just my opinion

BlackRoger
12-22-2013, 03:10 PM
When making a commercial, its important to think about what type of audience you are targeting.
If its for people who have no idea what hex is, it does have to be short and start with the better looking cinematic - people have short attention span and will skip the vid after 5 secs if it didn't catch their interest.

If it's for people who've heard a bit about it and are interested in hearing more I suspect more talk about the game mechanics and less about the lore would be better, as in the end of the day that what gets people more excited.

Handsofevil
12-25-2013, 09:22 PM
To bounce off of BlackRoger who made some wonderful points:

What I would suggest is to make two commercials. I short one that it flashy and gives the very basics. Storyline not necessary.
The second commercial would be longer and go more in depth with the story and the nuances of the game.

A little bit more work, but will achieve what you want better I think.

Also, I would be happy to work with you on the voiceover. I have done some work in the past, and if you are going for a lower voice I have one.

Vegetable
12-27-2013, 07:22 AM
My question to you: Was the kickstarter video not awesome enough, that you felt the need to create another video promoting the game?